Tennis Hos and Golf Pros

What do tennis, golf, and Betsy's birthday have in common? I know y'all are thinking that I'm going to say balls. And while that is true that there are lots of balls in tennis and golf, as well as Betsy's birthday, that is not what this blog is going to be about.
Although, I could probably write an entire piece on balls and their uses. Hmmm....idea.
So back to the original question. Tennis, golf, and Betsy's birthday all have one thing (besides balls, which I really like saying alot. Balls, balls, balls, balls. Fun.) in common and that is Rules of Etiquette for playing the game. The games of tennis and golf, of course, are much more proper than a Tennis Hos and Golf Pros party and they are probably played by much more civilized people. Smashley and I, however, were in charge of planning this party, so you can only imagine how "civilized" it was. Who am I kidding? Civilized and Smashley don't go together at all.


First of all, I'm going to digress back to Friday for a second. It was decided, on Friday, that Smash and I were going to get wasted on Saturday. The convo went something like this.

Smash: You know, Jen, I don't think I've ever seen you wasted.

Jen: What are you talking about? I get wasted all the time.

Smash: Then how come you can always drive me home at the end of the night? You have so never been wasted.

Jen: Well, what about that time, I drank like 5 martinis and did 4 shots and I had to be carried inside, where I passed out in my bed and woke up with no panties on?

Smash: That wasn't with me. Where did you do that?

Jen: Do what? I don't know what you're talking about.

Smash: Whatever. I want you to get wasted.

Jen: Fine. I promise to get wasted next time we go out.

Smash: That's tomorrow night.

Jen: Oh.... Fine, I'll get wasted tomorrow night. Will you take care of me if I puke?

Smash: No. You'll have to take care of yourself. Puking makes me want to puke.

No shit, y'all. This is the actual conversation that took place. Anyway, it was obviously decided that I would get wasted at Betsy's party. Then word got back to sweet, innocent Sarah. And much to my surprise she said this. "Why don't all three of us get wasted?" And so it was on.

Saturday arrives. I'll skip over all the boring, albeit lovely parts of the day, like our massages at Escape Day Spa, (it was heaven) and get to the party time and back to the rules of etiquette.

Rule #1) Maintain a good pace. Always play without delay at all times. In party speak this means don't be a sissy when drinking your drinks. Drink them fast and hard to maintain maximum speed of play. Don't dilly dally with your shots. Shoot them quick or make way for someone else to shoot them. Betsy (the birthday girl) played by this rule like the pro that she is. Also, no passing out. Puke and rally like a champ. Betsy also played by this rule like the player she is.

Rule #2) Keep it safe. This basically means don't swing your clubs around too much and don't hit your balls in the direction of other people. This means you, random guy that came home with us at the end of the night. An invitation to let you crash at our house is not an invitation to constantly, all night attempt to get one of us naked and make us play golf with your little club. Really. Keep it in your pants, dude.


Rule #3) Be kind to the course. There are really so many ways to go with this. Does it mean, be kind to your body, be kind to the location where the party is by not trashing it. Who knows and now my brain hurts from trying to think of something funny to finish this blog out. Ahhhhhh, the pressure.

So in summary, parties with balls are fun as long as you don't get hit in the face with them.

Peace y'all.